Digging to the Root....

Well dear friends, the countdown continues...
4 days until showtime!
WOW time really feels like it has flown by!

I can hardly concentrate on the surgery with Christmas right around the corner! I am so excited to spend the Christmas Season with my family! They are such a blessing in my life!

Now that we got the "house cleaning" details out, lets chat about the real reason why I am posting this.

I have spent sometime talking with some people VERY close to me. They know me more that I know myself sometimes! The overwhelming concern about the GBP surgery is to really figure out what the root of my weight gain really is. Like I have said before, and it has been brought to my attention, GBP is a tool that must be used properly. Though weight loss is basically "fool proof" the first year, I still need to come to the root of why I am who I am.

I liken my struggle to the struggle an alcoholic has. Rehab is considered a tool, and pretty "fool proof" while you are in Rehab. When you get out, that is a whole different story. Your old life "moves back in" if you never deal with the cause of the problem.

I would say that is the same with the GBP surgery. This surgery is most definitely about being healthy, exciting to be thinner, but an opportunity to find myself and come to the root of why I have gained weight in the first place. I have some ideas that I will probably eventually share with you once I can deal with them and understand them.

I think we must all find the root of our issues. If you are alcoholic, adulterer, sex addict, bitter person, anorexic, drug addict, (the list could go on) you must find what the real reason for doing these things are. Could it be that you feel God is not good enough? Were you hurt as a child, adult, or still hurting? These are all things I must ask myself. I must seek the root of my issues.

Though I have not fully figured out my issues for gaining weight, I know that the GBP is going to jump start me into really figuring out who I am.

I also think that my foundational beliefs about myself are going to be rocked. The Truth of Jesus will not change, but I think my understanding of beauty, love, marriage, discipline and satisfaction will all change. It is easy to say "vanity does not matter" or "it does not matter if I have money" but what happens when you have vanity? Do your morals go out the window? Or what about having a lot of money? All of a sudden do you feel like you must have more?

I know that this is going to be a challenging time in my life, but I know that God is going to use me to witness in other people's lives, and He will also use it to work in my life.

I think sometimes God gives us things that are challenging to show who He is when we dont know who we are.

I am reminded by this scripture Romans 5:1-4 ¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope.


God I am ready. Please teach me, show me, and strengthen me.