At the Feet of Jesus!

***This post is inspired by a conversation I had last night with 2 amazing friends***

I have been challenged on my way of thinking lately. Most of the time that God decides to do this it is not fun. And usually when he is going to challenge me or convict me, some event usually has to take place. This time, it happened to be my complications from surgery. When I know that God is going to speak, I always have a deep unrest but desire to spend time with Him. This time, though I spent a lot of time in the word and reading, I avoided listening to Him. I had a feeling that it would not be something that I wanted to hear. So, in my own rebellion I refused to listen to Him.

Well, though my complications from surgery are diminished, life happened, as it always does.

Things in my life are changing, money is changing, bills are increasing, and to my surprise getting new tires on my car was a must unless I wanted to continue to hydroplane on the freeway like I did last night. I spent the majority of the morning and afternoon cleaning my house. I needed to clean, but partly my motivation was to try to ignore this tugging to spend time with God and in His word. I dont know why I do that, I just was not wanting to listen to Him. Quite frankly, I was a little upset at God for handing me some really hard cards the last few weeks. Dont get me wrong, I can feel God moving for his glory, but sometimes when he moves, I get uncomfortable. Heaven forbid that huh? :)

Well, I did it! I sat down to sing some worship and ask him what he wanted to show me. Daring and scary request. As I was listening to Hillsong, I was drawn to the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42. I have read this story so many times, you know....Martha is in the kitchen working while Mary sits lazily at the feet of Jesus. As least that is how I always felt. Martha was doing doing doing to please Jesus and Mary sat at Jesus' feet absorbing all His glory and teaching.

Then I read John 11, which talks about Lazarus dying. After Lazarus had died, Jesus goes to meet Mary and Martha. It is Martha who meets Jesus while Mary stayed at home. This is just my opinion, but I think that Martha met Jesus to be seen, to do something, while I think that Mary was at home praying and petitioning for Lazarus. Again, just my opinion, but Jesus knew where they lived, Martha did not HAVE to meet Jesus. When Mary hears that Jesus is coming, she quickly leaves the house and runs Jesus only to fall at His feet and worship and weep. Again, it was Mary understood the power and majesty of Jesus.

Finally as Jesus goes to the tomb where Lazarus is buried, it is Martha, so concerned with how things appear tells Jesus "Lord for this time there will be an odor, as he has been dead four days." Jesus in all of His grace and mercy shows himself to Martha and the tomb is removed. Jesus could have easily condemned her for not believing or being so concerned with how things appear. What if Jesus had said "youre right, nevermind, sorry Lazarus you have to remain dead because you stink!" But that was not Jesus' concern. His concern was for His people, not the way things appeared. I was BLOWN away by that!

Then it hit me!!!! I AM MARTHA! Sure, I sit and Jesus' feet, absorb His Glory (on my terms), but if I really look hard at my life, I have always been a doer. I dont know if this is what Martha was thinking, but I know that I do do do to try to earn God's love. I enjoy serving, but not always because it is for God's glory, but because it makes me feel good. I like to give back to people, not because God gets recognition, but because I feel worthy. Worthy of God's love, accolades, and grace. What I really need to realize deep in my heart is that regardless of what I do, I still have been given God's love, accolades, and grace.

I desire to sit at God's feet and true desire to know him better, not because it will make me look good or "more spiritual." I am sure there is more to come on this topic because this is only the tip of the iceberg, I think.

Even in our trials, God is moving and always desiring for us to be more like Him, for His glory, not so I can brag about being more holy.