My Redemption....

I was thinking the other day.....oh my goodness we are in 2010! Yeah Yeah I know that we are already into April, but seriously where has the time gone? I keep forgetting I am 24 years old, have a great job, and have accomplished so many dreams already. I am right where God has me...in full submission to Him. I can't believe I graduated college 2 years ago! It seems like yesterday I was staying up late, talking with my best friends about what the heck we were going to do after we graduated and crying stressed that we would not have jobs, our lives were changing around us and the hopefully the door would not hit us on the way out of the "good ol' days" of college.

Now I look at where I am now and so much has changed in the last 10 years! I want to walk down memory lane for a little bit. For those of you who don't know me, my whole life has changed in ten years. A whole DECADE!

A story of redemption.....

SO........................Where was I ten years ago?
I was living in a small town on the central coast where the cows outnumbered the people. Cambria, to be specific. "Pines by the Sea" as they called it, because that is truly what it was, you walk through the forest to get to the ocean in most areas.

Lets see 10 years ago I would be just about ready to graduate Jr. High and move up in the world into High School. In 8th grade, I was the Student Body President....whatever that means in Jr. High. All I can remember is 2 things.....I really sucked at it (clearly my leadership gift came in much later:) and I went to some convention and learned how to make balloon arches. Oh I guess one more thing, I have a great teacher....Mr. Kniffen! He was awesome!

10 years ago come May I would be standing up in front of my class giving a speech about how "we had made it," through Jr. High mind you and that we were going to succeed. Little know fact, I ate too many sugar free Jelly Bellies and was super super sick....like bathroom sick, but I had to stay up there because I was about to be awarded the "Teachers Choice Award" or something like that. But, after the ceremony ended, me and the toilet made acquaintances.
That night also was filled with some pretty awesome memories filled with a Limo, Dance and good memories with friends.

But with every good time, there are hard times. Jr. High was the breeding ground of cruelty. Fat jokes, curiosities about how much I weighed, and sheer embarrassment all around. It was Jr. High where I got the "brilliant" idea to experiment with rapid weight loss techniques. I tried everything...diet pills, binging and purging, and not eating at all. I got sick, I felt sick, my life was going no where fast.

For me, this was an on and off battle for many many years. I never got too thin because really I did more of the binging and little of the purging. I soon found out I hated throwing up. Fast forward a few years, partying became more and more appealing as did eating less and less. My life was spinning out of control! I had a lot of time to myself to think about how bad my life sucked and when I did that, I became more and more insecure. I questioned why people would even talk to me, I questioned why people were even my friend and I hated the person that I was. I would look at myself in the mirror and say I "would rather be thin and die than live one more day in my body."

Since my parents divorce, I had had 2 stepdads. One, as many of you might know decided to make alternate life decisions, the second one was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, which forced my mom and I to move out to protect ourselves. Because of this, my life did not feel stable. I was full of hatred toward the men the hurt my mom and hurt me. I have never felt hate like that ever before and ever since then.

Well, I am guessing you think that this story is depressing....well I must tell you, you are mistaken, this is a story of Redemption....a story of a Cross....and a precious Savior.

My Junior year of High School, my mother forced me to go on a women's retreat. She swears I agreed to go, but trust me, I was going to have a party at my house while she was gone. I had no intention of going to this "stupid thing." But, I find it amazing that God chose this event to show me His redemption and His grace and that was only the beginning. I really have no idea what was said at that conference, but I remember this one song....I have never forgotten it. The chorus spoke to my heart....as if God was standing right in front of me. "At the cross we are forgiven, At the cross we are healed, At the cross new life is given, At the cross God's love is revealed." The walls of my heart shattered like the walls of Jericho and I suddenly began to understand God's love for me!

That year, God put it on my heart to go to Israel on a Missions Trip. Here I was so pleased to "reach" other people, but it was not until the end of the trip that I realized that trip reached me. Dear friends, I walked where Jesus walked, I wept were Jesus wept for His people. I sailed where He calmed the storm. I was baptized in the same river He was baptized.

Since that trip my heart has dedicated itself to God's work. Am I perfect at it? Not in any way. I still struggle and still desire things that are not of Him. But tonight, Good Friday, the night my Savior died with a mixture of sadness, joy, and abundant thanksgiving! Tonight, as I type this at home, some 2,000 years ago, my Savior hung from a cross because of my sins. If I were there, no doubt I would have been among those who spit in His face, ripped out His beard, whipped His back bare.

But still, my Savior hung from the cross to save me! Beyond all of the physical pain He went through on the cross, the worst had yet to come. His own Father had forsaken Him! I know what it feels to be rejected, but NEVER in the sense of how Jesus was rejected by His Father. All the wrath that we deserved from God was dumped upon His son. And MY JESUS, could have come down from that cross, but He didn't. He chose to hang there, rejected and die so that I might live eternally. I truly can not grasp the full magnitude of that Forgiveness and Grace, but what I do know is that nothing that I have done or will do earn me a ticket to hell. I have been bought. I am an heir to His throne.

I am redeemed!

Jesus, on this night, I especially thank you for the price you paid so I might have freedom. I can never pay you back, but Jesus, you knew that and still gave me life.